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Divorce... A terrible word, isn't it? Though, maybe it is not so terrible for those who have already gone through it. All the same there is nothing pleasant in it. It provokes only negative associations. It is always difficult to change your life, to get accustomed to new circumstances, new surroundings, when it is connected with move to a new flat or house. The habitual rhythm of life is broken. You have to start everything from the very beginning. Again... You thought that you had already passed through certain periods of your life and now you have to pass through them again: again you have to find your life companion, create a new family, build new relationship, etc. Of course, you are experienced enough now and suppose that you won't repeat your mistakes, but on the other hand you feel sorry for the years past for nothing, for disappointed hopes and lack of wisdom. But life is going on, you still have enough energy to start everything once again and it can really help you, when you are extremely depressed.
Maybe you are not divorced yet. Then the question is why you read it. Because of mere interest, or maybe because you feel that something is not right in your marital relationship?
Yes, it is sometimes extremely difficult to confess to yourself that something has gone wrong. Everything was so bright and romantic, you felt happy, and it seemed to you that nothing could spoil your eternal holiday. You constantly tried to persuade yourself that that was about the size of it but now maybe it is impossible any more.
How could it happen? And whom to blame? Is it worth thinking who is guilty? If everything is so unstable and vague than why to marry at all? Is it right to promise anything if you don't know what is expecting you in future? Too many questions and no answers. Once you promised to stay with a person forever, because you thought that nothing could prevent you from creating a happy full-fledged family. The real reason was not that you knew that you could really do it, but the fact that you wanted this happiness last forever. But it is impossible to attain by means of claims and declarations. It turns out that it is impossible to do things with words. Things can be done by means of efforts. It is a very hard work, which includes a lot of material, spiritual, psychological and moral aspects. It is too complicated for one person to combine all these aspects without having the sufficient life experience. And who can have such a great experience? It seems that it is possible to get it when you become old, but when you are old, it is, of course, too late to create a family. A paradox? Maybe. How to solve such a difficult problem? There is no unambiguous answer to this question. Thus, you can't blame yourself.
But what about other people, say, your friends, relatives, acquaintances? They are not so clever as you are but they have managed to create their stable hearth. Maybe they are not so happy as you see it, but it doesn't prevent them from living normal life, raise children, make household work. Again a paradox? Maybe. But all the same you shouldn't find fault with you. You are a person with a different inner world and psychological structure and their tips how to arrange life won't be helpful to you. It's your life. Find your own way!
Anatomy of divorce
Most people consider divorce as one of the most dramatic decisions in life. Standard ways of resolving problems can't be found here. We cling to the former comfort, because we are afraid of uncertain future. People, undergoing this event think about its consequences, experience the sense of guilt towards their children and parents. All these questions trouble everyone, who has already decided to make this desperate step.
People married for many years, are proud of their achievements. As a rule, they tend to describe divorced persons as irresponsible and immature. That is why those who plan to break up relations often feel despair and hopelessness, and hesitate for a long time before making a final decision.
Traditionally, the word "divorce" is connected with negative associations, even when people understand that their life has improved thanks to this event.
For centuries marriage was based more on economic and social foundations, and only at the beginning of the last century love became the basis for marriage. It made marital relationships extremely vulnerable. At present people are less lenient towards family life, if it doesn't live up to their expectations. That's why divorce is considered nowadays to be a normal episode of life.
The most popular reasons for divorce are the following: disappointment, boredom, sexual discontent, disagreement in lifestyle and values, problems with communication, breach of duties, etc.
The problem of family life contentment is solved according to our own principles and values. If the most important thing for you is the very existence of marriage (for example, it allows you to solve the housing problem, have children or leave the parental home), then you are not likely to show discontent. If you want to have a happy marriage you will be satisfied with it only if you have emotional intimacy, common interests, similar views in many aspects of life and so on.
A good marriage is not a mere fact, but process. That's why, when you think about your future, pay attention to the fact whether you like this process of living together or not.
And what about children? Can they be happy only in the full family? How does divorce influence them?
Psychological health of family members depends on the behaviour of spouses. It is an unsuccessful marriage which is the reason for mental disorders in children. All they see in the forcibly retained marriage are quarrels, confrontation and fatigue. In future such children usually experience difficulties in their own families and have a high probability of divorce in comparison with children whose parents decided to create new families.
In order to make your divorce relatively safe for your children, you should explain to them why the separation is necessary for their parents, that they are not guilty in it; assure them that you do not cease to be full-fledged parents. Divorce does not destroy your family, it alters it.
If the situation seems hopeless to you, you'd better divorce before you start throwing dishes at each other and before your children realize that a happy marriage is impossible.
Each of us deserves to wake up every morning with a beloved person. So if you think that you deserve more than you have, take care of it. Don't be afraid to change your life and don't delay your decision. It doesn't mean that you should divorce by all means. Maybe it would be better for you to preserve your family. But the worst thing is doing nothing.